it will never end

Its so cold outside, but its colder inside of me...
I am still calculating, i am still praying, i am still convincing myself that everything will be fine soon, but will it be fine after all?
I wish i can find a stranger to pour out everything, just to make myself feel better, to lessen my guilt and the emptiness inside me. I just need ears to listen to me, not some words of comforting or making fun of me,is it too hard to ask for???

On the other side,i pray to God that you will be okay, you will be happy, let me carry all these sadness but leave you with only happiness.

Maybe after what i have done, the guilt will stay there forever...

Empty

Listening to this song, and i just realised how i feel recently. It has been five days, and i didnt even cry. I still carry on with my routine, hanging out with friends, online, watching drama series, eating, sleeping... I thought i didnt get affected by it,as this is the decision i made. When going around with friends, i am still me, laughing, doing some stupid stuffs, and i thought i enjoyed it. Many friends said i am too cool for it, doesnt look like what i am supposed to be. Well, i am wondering what should be my response??? EMO whole week, lock myself inside my room? OFF my phone and let nobody to find me?

I didnt even cry,i tried to but there is no tears coming out. I dunno how i feel.
SAD? NO!
DEPRESS? NO!
HAPPY? WTH,YOU STUPID BASTARD! 

Finally i came out with my feeling. EMPTY
yeah, i feel emptiness inside, i feel nothing else except empty...
its like my soul missing something...something that i handed it away myself,and it's a punishment for me now,after i have done this, after i have made the tough decision to give up.
i have been struggling, because i know once i let go it will never come back. BUT how can i be so selfish when i know i am not capable of carrying this responsibility and losing my faith at the same time.
I just wanna stop myself from hurting someone further, before it is far too late, and what i did is hurting her now. I hate myself for doing this, but i know this is the correct decision to make, and i will hate myself more if i dont have the courage to do that!

I pray to GOD that she will be alright very soon, i pray to HIM to take away her sadness and put it on me,i can handle it, as i am empty inside now. I hate emptiness, the feeling of lacking the very precious piece of my soul...

I feel nothing but emptiness....