Silence

I have being silent for so long....
Well, i am totally not okay, but i have to tell people i am, because they will never understand how NOT OKAY i am!
What should i do, when everything comes to the end, i hope it just ends up as a total silence....
I do hope time can be reversed when i have the chance to make everything right,but is it too late to correct my mistake now?
GOD,if you really exists, tell me why i have to face this???
I am still waiting for HIS response, but what i get is still a total silence...

Being 19

The AGE of 19, it really means a lot to me. I have gone through a lot of things,some big some small, and they all built up the "ME" today.

During A-level,i really had many sweet memories with pals,and sometimes i thought i really cant survive without their company in KTT. We always did crazy stuff,especially with my housemates. Still cant forget the moments we were so scared of big moth and having a big war with it,and almost killed it with a broom. We decorated our apartment like haunted house just to scare each other during exam week. We are so tensed of the A-level exam that we did a MV with the song "PARTY ROCK ANTHEM." We played around with FEBREZE and at last keep on coughing and laughing. I was forced to stay awake just to play poker cards with my LOVELY housemates. There were some night where we went to mini mart to buy ice-cream, and walked around in the middle of the night. The 1.5 years staying in 11.1.A3,the 1.5 years i had been surrounded by laughter, craziness, computer sounds especially LEFT 4 DEAD and COUNTER STRIKE,and no forget A LOT, A LOT, AND A LOT of dirty words.HAHA. But i just like it,like being together with you all, Jeremy,Vince and Kennenth. You all have cheered me up in this 1.5 years even though i was stuck in such a sucking place. Three of you had made it a heaven for me,which is full of mixture of join,happiness,tear and unforgettable memoriesssss...

But thing changed during KI. We were no longer in the same apartment, as we were moved into a house,which consists of 11 people,so bad that Kennenth no longer staying with us. And as i expected, too many people staying under the same roof isnt that easy,as conflicts can be ignited just before you are able to realize whats really happened. I dont understand why some people just cant pay a little respect to others,seeing others mistakes but not theirs,and sometimes lacking of tolerance in the house. I changed. I dunno since when and why. I just changed following my heart. I think i was more independent that time,no longer obsessed with friendship which i used to be,no longer care much about what people think of me because there was once i tried to change myself just to mix with my friend but it ended up i lost myself,who i really was. I like walking alone at the night,especially around 1am as all my housemates were so busy playing dota. During that 3 months, i became emotional,and sometimes cant control my emotion, or i should said i purposely let my anger to explode, because i couldnt stand on people keep on bullying me!!! I have been nice to people but some of them just take if for granted and i dont care at all now. Why i have to treat you all so nicely when you all just throw it away like rubbish! Why i have to forced myself to show you all the smiling face even though my heart is bleeding!

Well,all passed and luckily i am still survive. In less than 3 months i am going to study in India. Actually i am OK with my placement to Davangere,as JJM isnt that bad after all,just that i have to cope with the stress there. Getting to know many of my friends who are close to me are going there,i am relieved. At least i dont need to face all these alone. And the most important thing right now is appreciate every moments with my family, and cherish moments with my secondary school friends who always are the best part of my memories.

Being 19, i have grown up a lot! Still have to keep on running before i turn 20,and i really hope the path is smooth and full of fun...